After all this years, I began to realize that there are two kind of comic artists in this world. One is someone who want to DRAW comic, and others is someone who want to PUBLISH comic.

6 years ago, I didn't like to work under other people's order, so I chose to live by making comic. I wanted to publish comic. Motivated with this, I began to learn and train a lot of things with purpose of publishing a good comic that can make me money.



After all this years, I have a problem that make me almost gave up drawing ... one simple matter ...

"I CAN'T DRAW cute, feminine, sexy, or beautiful GIRLS!!!" (in simple word I can't draw girls that I myself love)

this problem has haunted me for years ...



Today, I realize my real problem. It seems that my real motivations in my younger days for drawing are only two :
1. I love drawing Action comics (aka. Battle Manga ... Dragon Ball? Naruto?)
2. I love drawing Hentai scenes (not comic, only scene) ................

this has explained lot of things :
1. In every comic that I draw, I have difficulties in drawing cute, feminine, beautiful, or sexy girls ... the girls that I drew are always tough girls, that tall, short hair, tomboyish, strong, muscled body, with warrior fashion, and they all can KAMEHAMEHA or at least level 9 Buddha's Palm ....
2. In battle manga, cute girls don't needed ... they only needed to sweeten the story, become maiden in distress, victim, love or battle interest ... But for publishing a good comic, I need an cute, interesting girls, that not only liked by the reader, but also by me ... and I don't like girls that can't fight ... and for me girls that can fight are always strong looking girls ...
3. I really really love "2D Manga girls" ... and I draw them only for ... lust ... To draw a good manga I will need a DRAWING STYLE ... while to draw hentai, any drawing style is alright as long as the result is sexy and yummy ... and without one (drawing style), I can't draw a consistent girls in one comic ... they are always change, and this is not good ...


when I draw a handsome young man meet with any girls ... they will end up in fighting or the girls dead and the man will avenge her ... so in the end I realize that I can only draw girls in purpose to make them fighting (all of them are scary and not cute at all) ... a good battle manga is pointed toward boys, and boys love cute girls ... I don't know if they like to see muscled woman from beginning to the end in a comic ...

and the case is the same for any other genre ... even a daily life or romance comic ... I always draw the girl in there to become warrior ... and the cute ones are always dieeeee .... agghhh


my main point is ... I'm not a person that good for publishing manga, I am just a person who want to DRAW manga. By throwing away my purpose for publishing manga, I can enjoy drawing comic. What I need to do is finding a normal and consistent job, and continue drawing as a hobby, so I can again enjoy drawing any battle or hentai scene as much as I can ...

and then, what will I do with all of this knowledge and experience in comic making? well, I can't stop learning, maybe someday they will be needed. Or maybe someday there will someone that needed may help, or fate take me to work as comic editor or else. Who knows?



but ... I'm still confused ... if this is a good decision to do ... at least for the next half years, I will try to forget about publishing comic or anything that related to comic industry ... just forget them and enjoy my days ... maybe try to make career in my present job and do any normal people will do in my age (find a girl? married?) ... give the future of my country's comic industry to the next generation, and goes on with my living ... yeah, go to hell me as a comic artist ... yeah ...

Me? A comic artist? naah, I'm just a normal salary man who live for money and family and love reading comics. Drawing? yes its just a hobby of mine, old days, I missed them, but its alright, its already long gone now ....


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